two years diary. two goldammed years and where are we? i was honest with him with all my habits. we’re still in the military … we’ve just changed countries. and he’s deployed again.
i think i saw the pinacle of depravity tonight. after bypassing the urge to throw myself toward the playForpurity.com site i sank into the p.rn.h.ub abiss. yes i do call it an abiss. as disgusting as it may seem after becoming numb to the horrors of an anal gangbang i almost regurgitated on the cat when watching a girl swallow a tablespoon full of liquid that leaked from her anal cavity. if i feel like an utter lower than cesspool worthless person how does she cope with herself the 1% of the day that shes not whoring herself up/out/on things?
something has got to change.
prayer is my new mantra. troubled? pray. bored? pray. irritated? pray. or rather: talktalktalktalktalk … to the one who is ALWAYS listening and not annoyed by the prattle. to him its how we communicate.
