dear diary.

how pathetic.

how utterly fucking pathetic.

it’s day four of six of the man being in PA for mil training and here i find myself at it again.

i’m sitting on the toilet with the laptop on my knees gangrushing through cheap trashy porn clip after clip. i’m absolutely obsessed with orgasming whether my body agrees or not. it doesn’t help that each site just gets worse and worse and i refuse to use my credit card numbers for a single one. you know the ones with more ads and evil pop unders, overs and arounders than head lice?

i sit on the john so my mense doesn’t make a horrid mess. if that doesn’t make it all the more b-flickish.
what a life story. the morale would be that loving god does not mean you have immediate and constant access to say no to SelfObsession. It just makes you more aware of how utterly hopeless you can be.

i’m feeling hopeless. now i’m going to go curl up in a ball between baskets of laundry and the rottweiler and try to not dream. i hate dreaming almost as much as masturbating. i can’t escape my subconscious when i’m asleep.

- rb