dear diary.
she’s the white elephant in the room. you smile and laugh and giggle with your friends, all the while wondering if they can see her. will they let you near their children? will they brand you with a scarlet letter?
she has nothing to do with children. she has nothing to do with other people. she really has nothing to do with other people. they don’t realize that.
did you know they persecute you in religious circles? men have help groups and accountability circles. women have ‘coping with your husband’s addiction’ books. i’ve had women look at me completely aghast when i even start to broach the subject.
sometimes it’s really hard to believe that God Loves Me. Period. if other christians don’t even admit the sin, yet they could admit murder, adultery and theft, how can they understand? how could they empathize?
my desire is to be that voice. be the advice and the ear and the help. i can’t be the only one in this struggle. fighting for independence and nontraditional wife responsibilities while wanting an on fire domineering sex life with my husband. proving you can love God and not have to shut off your sexuality with a floor length dress and head cover and remove yourself completely from the EVIL WORLD WIDE WEB.
there has to be another way. take a journey with me.
I found your site on google blog search and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. Just added your RSS feed to my feed reader. Look forward to reading more from you.
Karen Halls
I’m a Christian wife and mother, and I’m here to tell you that NO, you are by far not alone. However, you may be a heroine for those hiding yet in the dark. I am a leader in my church, because my church realizes that God made us humans, and We All fall short of the Glory! I wasn’t so much into the porn, though yes it was quite exciting and turned my husband on (still does I believe, as it would me if I spiraled back), I was into the chat room roll playing.Almost worse I think, as there was a living breathing person somewhere that I was interacting with.
I was counseling a young woman about to be married, who boldly asked me if I had flashes of sexual thoughts during church. She was afraid something was seriously wrong with her, I assured her no, and that yes I had.
The answer, and if you are a christian you know this, is prayer and discipline. I asked God to take from me the feelings of hurt and resentment I felt when my husband did not respond in kind with my urges. I asked that He replace my urges that were other than within His design with Him. To my surprize, when asked with a purt heart, He did just that. I was unsure of my prayer because I felt I was asking God for sex. How sick was I?? However, He understands His daughters today, He knows what we have endured and what has been instilled within us by our parents, teachers, tv and internet. So He replaced these urges with, Get this! Peace! An odd calm. What He does for me, He will do for all!
No you are not alone. And those ladies out there are afraid of the reprocussions of their acts. Women have lost much, for much less over the years. Prevelently, too, the ladies with these issues are ranging from 40 to teens…so the older ladies may not have true understanding. That is what I have found.
Know we are here with you. Be Blessed.